Star-Crossed. Season one, episode seven.

"If I kill everyone whose seen this show, maybe I'll only be remembered for Friday Night Lights."

“If I kill everyone who has seen this show, maybe I’ll only be remembered for Friday Night Lights.”

I’ve been trying to figure out why I enjoy Star-Crossed so much more than its counterparts on the CW. All CW shows are ostensibly the same. Boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, improbable barriers keep boy and girl separated for two episodes, they reunite, repeat. I think what makes Star-Crossed different — and a hell of a lot more fun — is its insane cast of secondary characters…

1. Lukas, Emery’s friend from the first day of school. He’s basically the obnoxious Asian friend from Twilight only black. In episode seven, he’s exposed to deadly alien spores. And just like that, he’s everyone’s best friend!

“That’s my best friend who just got taken away in an ambulance,” says Emery, contrary to all evidence on the show.

But he must not be that important, because when Emery and Roman go into the bayou to find a cure (a very time-sensitive cure, as he has mere hours before dying), they spend a lot of time standing in the woods discussing their relationship. And when they find the cure, they take a five minute pit stop to make out. 

LUKAS. EVERYONE’S BEST FRIEND.

2. Eric, better known as Jimmy from Justified. Eric used to be a skinhead, but when he found out they use violence as a means of expression, he chickened out. That’s how you know Eric is smart.

He spends the majority of the episode fixing someone’s car, presumably because Boyd Crowder told him to.

3. Zoe, a violent rebel alien masquerading as a human. When she duels Roman to the death, she brings a Japanese kitana with her to the fight. This is the future. We should be shooting lasers at each other. Is she a time-traveller? And why does she deliver all her lines in a slow monotone?

FINAL RATING

3 stars out of 5

I’ve said this before but it bears repeating: This show is bizarrely sympathetic to supremacists.  Everyone keeps telling Grayson, Emery’s ex-boyfriend, how sorry they are that his mother was arrested. She’s the leader of the KKK. I don’t think we should be sorry about this.

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