Sleepy Hollow. Episodes 3 and 4.

Not that you care, but there’s a ton of bad TV out there right now and I just don’t have the time to review it all. If I don’t spend a few hours tonight reading something real, I’m going to start talking like Hayley from The Originals. I need a break.

So here’s a quickie recap of what I loved about episodes three and four of Sleepy Hollow. In two words: racial stereotypes!! And we all know FOX leads the league in those.

The third episode of Sleepy Hollow might be my favorite because of the avalanche of Native American stereotypes. Here we go:

There’s only one Native American in town who…

… wears slim-fitting button-down shirts and bolo ties and…

… happens to maintain a giant teepee in the wilderness where…

… he performs shamanic rituals with his mute assistant.

In case you were worried, Ichabod Crane and Abbie survive their shamanic journey through the dream world where they encounter and defeat the Sandman (not Mariano Rivera, disappointingly, but a guy dressed in a white version of one of those green body suits you see at hockey games).

But the show isn’t done with stereotypes just yet! In the next episode, we find out that Satan has a bunch of embedded, sleeper cell minions in Sleepy Hollow. They’ve got pointy little tattoos on their bodies, they like torturing human test subjects with medical tools and, when interrogated, they swallow cyanide pills to commit suicide. You betcha: They’re Nazis. Only we’re calling them Hessians. And pretending no one has noticed the massive influx in German immigrants to Sleepy Hollow in recent years. It’s like post-World War II Argentina up in here.

FINAL RATING

2.5 stars out of 5

Listen, I don’t mind believing that Ichabod Crane thought up the Boston Tea Party. I’m along for the ride, show. But DO NOT tell me that he initiated the Tea Party during the Revolutionary War to distract the British. You have to get some things right.

Unforgivable.

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